Recently on my IG, I have been referring to and posting things about my man.
And it's crazy to think that next month we'll be celebrating our first anniversary.
Like, a whole ass year has gone by and I'm super happy!
So how did I get to a point in my life to be open to a relationship and allowing someone in??
I'll tell you.
If we're being honest...
I can count on one hand how many actual relationships I've been in.
NOW, if we're talking "situationships", I've had more of those. And because of those, I became very jaded about relationships.
Going into these situations, I knew what I wanted out of them. I wanted to settle down and truly build a future with someone, but that wasn't necessarily what the other party wanted. For awhile, I feed into this mindset of, "He'll see how amazing I am, and he'll absolutely get in line with what I want! How could he not?! I'm such a great catch!" Blah, blah, blah...
FIRST OF ALL...
IF A MAN TELLS YOU WHAT HE'S LOOKING FOR, DO NOT TRY TO CHANGE HIS MIND!
I think a lot of times we have it in our head that we can change men, but if they're outright telling us and showing us what it is...
PAY ATTENTION AND MOVE ACCORDINGLY!
We really need to hold ourselves accountable for how we handle these situations because the signs are definitely there when we should leave and move on, but we tend to stay because we think we can change him.
Of course, there are some who just outright lead us on, but honestly, even then the signs are still there...
But anyway, for a long time I was fighting a losing battle. Trying to force things that just weren't meant to work.
All the time, I would "jokingly" say, "I'm just gonna be single forever."
I didn't realize then that I was actually self-sabotaging myself. I was putting it out into the universe that I wasn't serious about finding someone.
THIS IS ANOTHER THING A LOT OF US ARE GUILTY OF!
We have to be mindful that everything we think, do, and say has an energy surrounding it. So even though I thought I was joking about being single forever, subconsciously I wasn't really ready for the relationship I thought I wanted. And the universe made sure to remind of that.
Seriously, think about it...
Why would I get blessed with a good guy who wanted the same things I wanted if I was putting the energy out there that I didn't really want a relationship to begin with??
September of last year, I finally started piecing all of this together.
I knew in my heart I didn't want to be single forever. I did want to build a future with someone.
Everything else in my life was pretty good and my love life was a complete shit show. I really wanted everything to align and come together for me.
So I had a very serious and honest conversation with myself.
(It's perfectly fine to talk to yourself! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise)
I had to stop trying to change men who did not want to be changed and I had to open my eyes to the ones who had potential.
And I made it very clear with myself, and the universe, that this was what I was truly ready for.
It was probably about a week or two after I got serious with myself when the universe slapped me in the face with the man I'm currently with. We were following each other on IG for a few years, and for some reason when I unfollowed a bunch of people, he survived the purge. Our interactions then were always super random and spread out. But I did take notice to little things and something about him always stuck with me.
Fine black man, that was a Jets fan, AND did yoga!
WHO IS THIS MAN?!?
I was definitely intrigued.
When I knew I was in this new head space and no longer hoping past situations would become something; I started to reach out to him more and feel things out.
Things he posted made me curious and I wanted to get to know him.
On a spiritual and energetic level, we immediately connected.
On a social level, we were polar opposites and that did make me a little leery.
But, I didn't let that sway me from seeing what could come of this. I had to remind myself I was being open to something new and different.
As the months have past, we’ve built an incredibly strong foundation for our relationship. The way we communicate with each other and how honest & open we’ve been with what we want has been amazing. I think a big reason our communication has been so great is because we don’t use social media as a third party to validate our relationship or praise each other. We simply tell each other. We support each other equally in our personal goals and professional ones. And we bring out the best in one another.
For the first in forever, I feel like everything in my life is coming together how I always wanted it to.
But I know in order for me to get to this space I, Dara, had to change!
I had to stop allowing myself to get stuck in the same situations.
I had to change my mindset.
I had to stop settling simply out of fear of being alone.
I had to be kinder and honest with myself.
I had to hold myself accountable.
I couldn’t blame men in my past for the failed attempts I made at trying to have relationships. They weren’t doing anything I wasn’t allowing them to do.
We like to look for someone else to blame for things going wrong in our lives.
We can only blame ourselves.
It’s easier to find a scapegoat rather than face what we’re allowing.
Yes, people do shitty things, but if you decide to stay after someone has shown you what they’re capable of, you only have yourself to blame.
That’s a hard pill to swallow.
It was a hard one for me to swallow.
I did it though, and I’m so proud of myself for it.